it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
