Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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