you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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