its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
