So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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