Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
