If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize