OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
