I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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