We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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