put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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