worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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