I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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