hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
