Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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