i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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