drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
