we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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