What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
