if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
