I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
