i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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