i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Of course I have a pirate flag
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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