Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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