Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
