I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
