my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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