I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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