That's when you crack a 10am beer
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
