I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
