I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
