Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
