do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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