Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
