You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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