I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
