I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Less talking, more tequila
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
