Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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