My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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