we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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