'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
one might say we're banned from that church
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
