i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
