Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
