Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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