This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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