I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
