$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nicole vs. Life
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
