Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
