I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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