You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
