I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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