I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
