ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
