Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
