You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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