dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
