accomplished twins. life is a go
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
