Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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