all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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