You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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