I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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