Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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