this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
