THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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