made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
