i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
