you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
