This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
