do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
