i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
