Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
