It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
