xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
